Here's what a terrible Elevator Pitch looks like. This is the Elevator Pitch for Fannie Mae:

…We provide the liquidity that helps the local bank or your local thrift make loans to you in all kinds of markets because we will buy that loan from that bank and we will finance it by raising money all over the world and that means we don't have times any more where we run out of mortgage in communities. It also means that Americans unlike most people around the world can get a 30 year fixed rate mortgage and have that mortgage protect them against changes in interest rates. – Source: CNNfn, October 3, 2002

The Relevance Factor. I ask you, is that not the most dismal Pitch of any kind you've ever heard? That's what happens when the person delivering it wants to "sound" impressive. He ends up sounding like a DOS programmer. The first sentence is a monstrosity that contains 60 words! That's absurd. But, what makes that Pitch so awful is that it's delivered from the speakers perspective. It doesn't consider who the listener is. That means it's not relevant to anyone other than the speaker. It's the same thing as my saying, "I'd like take a minute of your time and talk about myself." Sure, I'm a fascinating guy, but duh – even I would get sick of myself in that situation!

If you can't succeed at making your words relevant to each and every single person you talk with, you're suffering from "Relevantitis!" Look around you. If the people you're working with are unimaginative and inflexible – you're being trained for obsolescence and redundancy. If the systems and procedures you're being taught don't promote a focus on one-to-one customized communication – you're being set-up to fail. In our business, one-size-fits-all means Relevantitis. It means that you can't distinguish yourself in your market.

How does an Elevator Pitch work for advisors? Yes, you do need an Elevator Pitch. Now, want to know how it works in the financial business? How brave are you?

Picture this: you're in line inside an auditorium. You, and a hundred other advisors, are waiting your turns to deliver your ten-second statement to the moderator. If the moderator approves of what you say, he'll let you know, and the audience will cheer. If he doesn't approve, or if you go longer than ten seconds, he and the entire audience will humiliate you. You'll get heckled and jeered off the stage. It's like a Gong Show nightmare. The pressure is on. Are you ready for the challenge?

As you watch those in front of you get pelted with spit wads and flying grapes, you wonder what the key is. How can you get the moderator to approve of your pitch? As you listen, you hear an endless stream of verbose, canned, memorized crap. What's missing is the relevance. The moderator is the prospect. Your Elevator Pitch has to be relevant to him, or you're out. If you can't size-up and determine what the moderator's intuitive values are in about two seconds, you're out. If you can't connect you and your offering to the moderator as effectively as a spark jumping from one pole to another, you'll show yourself to be an amateur. Hey, it's the A-level game. What do you do?

You simply have to learn how to "read" people very quickly. Then, you have to use what you "read" to make yourself relevant to the person in front of you.

There are three absolutes to creating and delivering your perfect Elevator Pitch. Here is the second one:

Create a Visual Metaphor

About 70% of the world is visual. When you talk, they don't listen to your words; they look for images in your words. When you talk and leave out the images, they can't understand what you're saying. Quick story few years ago, I took a two-week course in psychology. The trainer didn't speak in images. Consequently, it was the most torturous two weeks of my adult life. It was physically exhausting and frustrating to work that hard to understand the class content. That's not the sign of a bad listener. It's the sign of a poor trainer.

For example, let's say your Elevator Pitch is something like this: "I employ the concept of asset allocation to assure my clients a diversified investment strategy in the truest sense of modern portfolio theory?." First, how many other advisors can say the same thing? Second, where is the picture? Third, where is the metaphor?

If you read my work, you've discovered by now that everything I tell you is rooted in either personal experience or in research. This topic contains both. I spent about half a day finding examples of visual metaphors in other Elevator Pitches. Here are several. The good news is, they're from different industries.

1. Product: Interactive digital superstores.

   Elevator pitch: Best Buy: The Next Generation.

2. Product: A fee-based online political forum.

   Elevator pitch: Pay to have your say.

3. Product: Emergency-supply stores.

   Elevator pitch: Home Depot for survivalists.

4. Product: Stylish accessories for geeky gadgets.

   Elevator pitch: Sex and the City goes to Comdex.

5. Product: Personal assistants for the (almost) masses.

   Elevator pitch: "If Batman time-shared Alfred."

6. Product: Mr. Wonderful home-repair service.

   Elevator pitch: A Mr. Fix-It to find all your Mr. Fix-Its.

See how those statements give you a visual and a reference? If one of those were yours, you could build an entire story around it to illustrate how you can bring relevant solutions to that one person in front of you.

In our business, we're not apt to be looking for venture capital in an Elevator Pitch competition. But, you are probably going to be sharing a golf cart with a business owner, or sitting on the board of a charity with a successful entrepreneur. When that person asks, "Mike, what do you do?" you have to explain it in a way that makes sense to that person, and you have to do it in a way that builds on your relationship. If you come off like a guy who is looking to make a quick sale, you lose your credibility and damage your relationship.

You might say something like this: "Bill, imagine if Tonto and the Lone Ranger had promised to look out for your money. That's me."

You might say something like this: "Jane, what if you had an emergency and needed someone to take care of your children and your home. That's me. I help families protect the things that are dearest to them."

You might say something like this: "Judy, pretend we're living in America during the seventeen hundreds. When your family goes out into the fields, you'd like it if they come back with a load of corn and some venison. But you need them to simply come back. That's what I do with your finances. I make sure your money is protected. And, it just might produce a bumper crop in the form of a dividend payment."

Like I said, there are three absolutes to create and deliver your perfect Elevator Pitch. That's just part of how you can distinguish yourself in this crowded market. In the coming months, look for much even more guidance specifically on how you can distinguish yourself.