1) Adjust a window or curtain and say, "That's better. I don't want any distractions while we talk." Then, buzz your assistant and say, "Please hold all my calls while Mike is here."

2) Forget about your slides, flip book, company brochures and assorted paraphernalia. Place only a notebook and a pen on the table or desk. Write the prospect's name across the top of the page, along with the date and time. This shows him/her that you intend to listen and learn.

Guidelines: How to use questions to build the relationship

Think of the most obnoxious and invasive questions you've ever heard. Would you ever ask them? It's possible that those questions were simply the right questions asked at the Wrong time and in the Wrong way. The way you approach your conversation makes a huge difference in how the prospect responds to you and your questions. Let's look at some guidelines that will help you gain the trust of any prospect:

1. Remember, it is a dialogue not an interrogation or soliloquy.

2. Think conversation versus presentation.

3. Some people need time to think and may not respond immediately. Respect the pause.

4. Trust is an essential part of question effectiveness. If the customer doesn't trust you, then he/she is not likely to be comfortable answering your questions.

5. Engagement is your key. A more engaged person is more likely to buy – multiple times.

6. Use a combination of short-answer and open-ended questions.

7. Specific short-answer questions are better for building credibility.

8. Questions let the customer sell themselves, which is a key enabler of sales success.

9. Continue asking questions throughout your client relationship. They help maintain trust and commitment.

10. Being a good listener invites people to answer your questions.

11. Nothing – NOTHING – can make up for failing to listen.

Guidelines for Effective Listening

First ask the question. If you get an answer, listen. Then, ask a follow-up question. That's pretty much it. We can script out all the initial questions, but the follow-up questions are by far the more important. Still, even more important is your ability to listen. Here are some simple guidelines you can use to become a better listener.

1. Quiet inner chatter.

2. Focus on the other person (focus outward rather than inward). Remember the Lincoln quote – 1/3 of your time focused on what you're going to say and 2/3 on what the other person is going to say.

3. Let the other person talk without interrupting.

4. Answer the question they ask, not one they don't ask.

5. Leave "space" in the conversation. When the prospect comes to the end of a statement, pause for a few seconds before responding.

6. Listen with your body and your eyes. Keep your focus on the person and employ a receptive posture.

7. Listen for the values words.

8. Probe for clarification. Question the meaning of words. If the client says "We want to plan the ideal retirement" ask "What do you mean by 'ideal'?".

9. Validate or reflect back their feelings and statements.

10. Restrain from giving advice, offering help, making suggestions or solving problems until after the other person has had an opportunity to fully communicate what he wants.

11. Don't just summarize – Synthesize! – Add your own analysis to your reply "So it seems like there are really three different issues going on here, which are…"

In Conclusion

I'm still surprised – after twenty years – at how poor the questioning and listening skills are in the insurance/financial industry. Where did this flaw come from? Perhaps it is related to the lack of respect given to advisors by the general population. Advisors seem to have something to prove, and they do it by talking, talking, talking, rather than listening. I think the funniest words of wisdom I've learned over the twenty years I've been helping advisors is, "the more they talk, the smarter you look."

Your Reward!

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