I'm not a big fan of the Fourth of July.

(I want to clarify first that I do, however, love America. It's great. We eat hot dogs here and watch baseball and one of my  favorite Americans created Mickey Mouse, so I'm pretty excited about all that.)

The reason I'm not a fan is the same reason I'm not a big fan of New Year's Eve — it's usually just one more excuse for my American friends to get drunk and be stupid (don't believe me? Weekly liquor sales often surpass $1 billion around Independence Day).

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