I just had my third conversation in two months on tone checking, so I figured this was something other people struggle with, too, and should offer up some friendly advice: If you don't have a "tone checker" in your life, get one, hell, get five.
Last time I checked, you cannot read tone in email. Wouldn't it be beautiful if when someone sent an email you read it the exact way they intended it to be? One of the things I suggest to many people in communicating is that you get a tone checker. I have many people who do this for me.
I'm an emotional person. Sometimes in my head I feel like it's my job to school someone in etiquette and how they should do something. And about 99 percent of the time, it's not my place. Anytime I know I'm annoyed with someone and I write a response, I always send it to someone else to read. Even when I think I haven't put any zings in there, they're there because I subconsciously put them in. There are weekly emails I send to my staff, fellow board members or even my husband and say, "Can you take the emotion out of this for me please because I know I'm annoyed?"
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The key is to know your trigger. What goes through your head when you read something and you're exasperated? My cue is when I read something and I think, "Are you %@#&! kidding me?" That's when I know I need a tone checker. Take a minute and think, what's yours? We all have them, one of my friend's knows that when she reads something and thinks, "Really!?!?!" that she has to have her assistant proof her response before she hits the send button.
We're in a service industry. That means there are a lot of takers of our time and energy, and sometimes we do get frustrated and over taxed and just need to take Kenny's advice and, "Know when to walk away, know when to run." Or at the very least, have someone read over what you plan to send the next time you see yourself wanting to punch the person through the screen!
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