This has changed. Maybe it started in 1984 when Robin Leach's TV show, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" started running. The cable financial channel CNBC was established in 1989. Jump forward to 2006. Real Housewives of Orange County was the first of many reality shows in the franchise.

Over a 35-year period, talking about money moved from "a private matter" to a spectator sport. Today, everyone talks about money or investments.

Yes, there is a fear of talking about money. Most people don't think they have enough of it! Many don't save. They might look at their total earnings when doing their taxes and wonder "Where did it all go?"

Your friend might be embarrassed to talk about money because they think you believe they are far wealthier and more successful than they really are. That Hermes bag and Louis Vuitton purse projects an excellent image!

More about this problem later.

10 reasons your friends aren't knocking on your door

Years ago, I surveyed advisors (and interviewed HNW individuals) to learn how they interacted. It sounds simple enough on the surface. Investing is complicated. So is buying insurance. Lots of ads on TV tell you to cut out the middleman and deal direct. Your friends don't cut their own hair or represent themselves in court. They don't change their own oil either. They know professional help has a value. You are a professional. Why aren't they coming to you?

Reason #1: Confidentiality

Can you keep their secrets? Many businesses proudly talk about their clients. The coffee shop has photos of celebrity customers. Weight loss ads on TV have people talking about their experiences. Luxury goods firms have spokespeople. Your friends think you freely drop client names to get more clients. They don't know you are bound by confidentiality.

What they say: "I don't want friends knowing my business. You know how it is. People talk. I prefer doing business with a total stranger."

Try this: You have history with your friends. Use this to your advantage. "We are bound by confidentiality. You aren't held to the same rule. I'm not allowed to tell anyone you are my client. You can tell as many people as you like." (There are the legal exceptions, of course.)

Or try this: "We know lots of the same people. Some might even be clients. We've known each other five years. If I haven't mentioned a client's name over that time, I'm unlikely to start now."

Tip: If you mention confidentiality, "similar to doctors and lawyers" it puts you in good company.

Reason # 2: They don't really know what you do

We put people into little boxes. "She's a lawyer." We think all attorneys are personal injury lawyers advertising on TV or lawyers presenting in criminal trials. In reality, there are probably 100+ branches of the law. Now consider your own situation. You work for an insurance company. Therefore, you are an agent who sells insurance. You do lots more, but you have been assigned to your little box. They don't know the full extent of how you help people.

What they say: "You're an insurance agent. I don't need any right now."

Try this: Find a time when they are free. Maybe it's while waiting to pick up your children after school. Take an interest in what they do. "We've known each other three years. I know you work at Murky Research. You do something with product testing. I've always wondered: 'What is it that you do?" They will tell their story. You will learn new things. They will likely return the favor.

Or try this: Suppose they don't ask what you do? Try this strategy that's been around at least a decade. "You know I work at Galactic Insurance. When you tell your friends about me, what do you say that I do?"

Tip: In most instances, "the little box" comes out. "You sell insurance." Build on their response. "That's part of what I do…"

Reason # 3: Risk to the friendship

This is also the worry: "Can you deliver?" Their fear is become a client will end badly. Maybe even with a lawsuit. They have now lost both money and a friend.

What they say: "You can't fire friends."

Try this: "If you become my client, you should get a report card. If I'm doing a lousy job, you should be able to fire me." The periodic portfolio reviews are the report cards. Their anxiety is lessened because they wanted a way to unwind the relationship. You provided a roadmap.

Or try this: Address the situation in the third person. "You may know some people I might be able to help. Let's spend a few minutes talking about what I do…"

Tip: If you had something they really wanted, they would "play the friend card," insisting you give them preferred access because of your shared history.

Reason # 4: Have they been asked to be clients?

We subconsciously take people "off the list." He's between jobs. She just lost her spouse. They might need your help, but you are keeping your distance.

What they say: Nothing. You never asked. If it's a relative, they assume you don't do business with family. Therefore, they never step forward.

Try this: "I realize you are going through a difficult time. I don't want to intrude. I think you know my specialty is insurance. If you have any questions or want something explained, I'm here to help."

Or try this: "Your friendship is important to me. That's why I haven't talked about business. I've assumed you work with someone already. They probably take great care of you and give you great service…"

Tip: This is another opportunity to use the "third party" approach described in Reason # 3.

Reason #5: Do they know you are still adding clients?

If you talk about how busy you are and your lack of sales support, friends may assume you have all the clients you can handle. Asking for help would be an imposition. Friends don't impose. Also, they may think the firm, assigns you clients.

What they say: "Sounds like you've got your hands full." or "The company gives you clients, right?"

Try this: When they ask "How's business, share an anonymous story about taking on a new client, mentioning it was someone introduced by a current client or a friend from college.

Or try this: As above, but tell how you helped someone by stopping them before they made a stupid mistake.

Tip: Don't talk about sales targets or how you need to bring in a certain number of new clients to hit your numbers.

Reason #6: What's your minimum?

This gets into the reluctance to talk about money mentioned at the start of the article. As an advisor or agent, you talk about "High Net Worth" and "wealthy" people. That always sounds like: "More money than you've got." No one wants to be told they are too small.

What they say: "I know you work with much wealthier people…"

Try this: For investing, talk about your client base in terms of a range. "I have 200 clients with about $100 million is assets. The smallest are $100,000 relationships, the largest $ 5 million. The average is about $ 500,000. Your friends can determine if they fit into the range.

Or try this: "Our firm helps many people. For clients with assets under X, we have (this service.) For clients with XX – XXX in assets, they work with someone like me. For clients with XXXX or more, we have a special area…"

Tip: You want to be inclusive, not exclusive.

Reason #7: Do they have money now?

The chances the person on the other end of the phone has money available immediately are quite small. Usually something needs to happen. Sale of a business. Arrival of their bonus. House sale.

What they say: "This isn't the right time."

Try this: "I realize that now. I wanted to get on your radar. When is the right time to talk? What needs to happen?"

Or try this: "You mentioned Treasury bonds earlier. When does the next one come due? That might be a good time to talk."

Tip: Call a couple of weeks in advance.

Reason #8: The experience question

If you are new, they might be nervous. They don't want you practicing with their money. You were a great engineer, but what do you know about insurance?

What they say: "Remind me…How long have you been doing this?"

Try this: Position your role as a relationship manager, bringing the resources of the firm into their living room.

Or try this: Sell the firm. If you are on a team, sell the team. You have people with additional knowledge and expertise behind you.

Tip: Mention your licenses. These are a form of professional certification.

Reason #9: They already work with someone else

Most people you want as clients are someone else's client already. They might not be doing a bad job. They don't want to unwind the other relationship. They want to avoid confrontation.

What they say: "I already have an advisor. If only we met five years earlier…"

Try this: "Successful people often have multiple advisors. You're obviously successful. How many do you have?"

Or try this: "I'm sure you are happy with your current advisor. Here's my card. Please let me know if anything changes."

Tip: Try to at least establish yourself as the alternative.

Reason # 10: How did you get the idea I liked you?

You know people you tolerate but don't like. Sometimes in-laws fit into this category. They might grudgingly become clients, but are just waiting for something to go wrong…

What they say: "You married my sister, so I guess I've got to do business with you."

Try this: Run the other way. There's limited upside and bottomless downside.

Or try this: If you feel you must do business, pick products with few moving parts that perform as advertised. Treasury Bills held to maturity are a good example.

Tip: Ever hear the expression "More trouble than it's worth?" Someone else can help them.

We've looked at many reasons friends hesitate doing business with other friends. Most can be turned around. One cannot.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, "Captivating the Wealthy Investor" can be found on Amazon.

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