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Many people have forgotten how to talk with each other.  During our stay-at-home sojourn, agents and advisors have been keeping in touch with clients.  They have been active on social media.  They are keeping in touch with friends and family.  But what do you talk about when you run out of things to talk about?

You know how to have a business conversation.  How to sell.  How to learn about a client's problem.  This is about a different subject: How do you learn about them as a person?  How do you have a conversation?

This is a serious issue.  It varies by culture, but generally speaking, people do business with others they know and like.  I'm a big fan of LinkedIn.  They prompt you on birthdays, job changes and work anniversaries among your connections.  They also prompt you with text:  "Happy Birthday."  Messaging also prompts you with prepopulated responses, like "Thumbs up" and "Thanks."  However, you need more than that.

In the morning, I visit LinkedIn and find about 15 messages each morning.  I send a lot too.  Many people call, email or video chat with clients.  When you do, you need something to talk about. Here are some subjects to consider:

Reach out.  Paradoxically, the lockdown provides a great opportunity.  People have time on their hands.  To get a conversation started, I send a message: "Since we are all under stay-at-home orders, it's an ideal opportunity to get to know you better."  Another one I like is: "We've been connected five years.  It's time to get to know you better."

Lead with the virus.  The coronavirus is on everyone's mind.  Staying healthy is why we are staying at home and businesses are closed.  Start with "I hope you are staying safe and healthy."

Give to get.  I usually follow with "Jane and I are fine.  We don't venture beyond the mailbox at the end of the driveway."  It's human.  For overseas friends I go into detail about what everyday life is like where we live.  I ask about the restrictions in their city or country.  This gives your friend or contact valuable information they can share with their friends.  "I just heard what it's like in America."

What's the #1 party question?  OK, it's probably "What do you do?" But on LinkedIn, talking about professions immediately often comes across as "He's selling something."  Let's go with the #2 party question: "Where do you live?"  I volunteer details about our town, then ask: "What's it like where you live?"

Don't brag.  At parties or on vacation, when you first meet someone, they often start into "Have I told you how important I am?"  They want to impress you.  Avoid that, especially in sales.  People who might be potential clients don't want to think you are richer than them.  This leads them to believe it's because your fees or prices are so high.

Draw them out.  I love the observation: "The person talking is the one having a good time."  When video chatting with clients, let them do the talking.  "Have you been doing virtual cocktails?"  Since everyone is watching cable or streaming, ask what they have been watching.  "Do you get out to the grocery store?  What's it like?"

Find a shared interest.   They might be wine fans.  Golfers.  People who love to travel.  That gets them talking.  It provides a gateway to keep in touch.  You can send interesting article links or videos.

Talk about funny stuff.  If you are building your professional reputation in the background, you don't want to come across as a lightweight.  You know the type.  They email cartoons, jokes and videos.  Instead, you might mention a funny saying you saw: "The lockdown has taught me I have no hobbies.  I only spend money and eat." or "Imagine what it will be like when 300 million Americans all want to get their hair cut!"  They will likely counter back with one of their own.

Send back good messages.  Unlike phone calls or texts, which say "Address me immediately" emails and social media can be read when you have time.  If someone sends you a reply and talks about their health or goes into detail, don't send a Thumbs Up or prepopulated response back.  Either answer it later or send a note: "Thanks for taking the time to write.  I'll send another message later today."  At least you have acknowledged their message.

Talk business.  After you've built up this back-and-forth exchange and people are comfortable with you, it's fine to ask about their business.  People like talking about what they do.  If I'm not going to do business, I often say: "I realize there's no professional overlap. It would still be nice to know you as a person."

You have the time to develop deeper relationships with friends and clients during the stay-at-home period.  These business contacts and other LinkedIn connections can get to know you as a person.  That builds lots of goodwill when it comes to doing business down the road.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, "Captivating the Wealthy Investor" can be found on Amazon.

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