How to tactfully tell a friend what you do for a living
This is an approach that puts your friend in control.
Friends can be great clients. Some approach you. Others don’t. We are often hesitant to approach friends because we’re afraid they might become uncomfortable if they felt they were being sold. Instead, adopt a different mindset: “Everyone should have the opportunity to say no.”
OK. You buy into that idea. It still leaves the question: “How do I bring up the subject? Try this approach:
Step 1: Don’t plan a meeting. This should be spontaneous. Find a time when neither of you are doing anything, yet you are together. A textbook example is when you walk into the clubhouse at the golf course and see a friend, sitting alone and enjoying a drink. For us non-golfers, it might be two couples out shopping one weekend. The spouses find themselves sitting on a bench while their other halves are in the same store shopping.
Advantage: Both of you have time on your hands. You don’t need to be anywhere. You might be checking your phone, but that can wait.
Step 2: Ask about what they do. It’s more tactful than starting your elevator speech. Mention a few details. Name the firm where they work. Mention their educational background and what you think they do. Plainly ask: “I’ve always been curious. What exactly is it that you do?” Stop talking.
Advantage: People love talking about themselves. They often make themselves sound important. You will learn stuff.
Step 3(A): Sit quietly. In many cases, they will return the favor. They will ask what you do. Hit the highlights. Speak in simple terms. Brevity is good. Without minimizing what you do, highlight your interest in what they do and why you find it interesting.
Advantage: This is polite behavior. You asked them, they returned the compliment. You are getting your story out.
Step 3(B): But they didn’t ask. What now? You might say: “Let me tell you a little about myself.” But that can come across as pushy. Barriers might go up. I heard another approach years ago, and I’ve never forgotten it: “We’ve known each other for (x) years. You know I work at (firm). When you tell others about me, what do you say that I do?”
Advantage: It’s highly likely they’ve never told anyone about you. However, it’s awkward to say that. They will likely come up with a simplistic answer. “You are an insurance agent.” Or “You sell insurance.”
Step 3(B) continued): Explain what you do. This part’s easy. No elevator speech. Take what they say and build on it. “That’s part of what I do. I also…” Another good approach is “That’s what I used to do before I joined (firm)…” Align what you do to their life situation.
Advantage: Instead of using your elevator speech, you took their own words and added to them.
Step 4: The approach. This can be a delicate situation. They might be thinking “Here comes the sales pitch.” You are going to put them at ease by talking in the third person: “Now that you know what I do, you might come across someone who needs the help I provide. You know how I might be able to help them.”
Advantage: You have reduced any tension level. Since you explained what you do in the context of their situation, they now know how you might be able to help them or someone in a similar position.
Step 5: Change the subject. Smile. Talk about something else. This should diffuse any tension. You’ve gotten your point across.
Advantage: You’ve put them in control. If they want to learn more, they might say: “No, let’s go back.” Otherwise, you are making light conversation or going back to checking messages on your phones.
This is a tactful approach that can be used almost anywhere both you and your friend have some extra time.
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