LGBTQ+ parents need paid parental leave, too

When it comes to family planning and building, it’s considered totally normal for one or both birth parents to take some form of parental leave for the first 4-12 weeks after birth to recover and bond with their new child.

But what about parents who adopt or have children through other means?

These parents are also known as non-gestational parents, or parents who did not physically give birth to their child. This is very common in LGBTQ family-building journeys, as LGBTQ+ couples are substantially more likely to adopt, use a surrogate, or utilize in-vitro fertilization (IVF) than heterosexual couples.

While these options are not limited to LGBTQ+ couples, LGBTQ+ parents do face difficulty receiving the same paid parental leave as their heterosexual counterparts, especially moms giving birth, when bringing a child into their family. 

Most paid parental leave programs have a heavy bias 

Most existing policies don’t properly account for couples or individuals who are adopting or having a child through alternative means, such as surrogacy or IVF. Often the leave for non-birth placements is little more than a few weeks, if any. Even the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) only guarantees unpaid leave for birth and/or adoption. FMLA also has eligibility requirements, such as one must have worked for their current employer for at least 12 months and logged at least 1,250 hours during that time. 

These policies also don’t typically take into account sexual orientations and gender identities.

Many family leave policies do not recognize the diversity of LGBTQ+ families, and the subsequent emotional and life challenges. According to the Human Rights Campaign’s 2018 LGBTQ Paid Leave Survey, only 48% of respondents’ employers offered leave policies that equally covered new parents of all genders, and only 49% said their employers’ policies were equally inclusive to adoption, foster care or other placement.

Most family leave programs only offer paid leave to new birth parents (often just the birth mothers), with little to no time off for their partners or those who become parents through other means. Centering parental leave around the stereotype of the birth mother as the “primary caregiver” disregards LGBTQ+ people who’ve built non-traditional family units, often without a partner giving birth.

While FMLA is a common option for protected leave, it only offers unpaid leave. Forming a family as an LGBTQ+ individual or couple can be very expensive; adoption fees can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, and IVF can average well above $10,000. Even surrogacy often comes with a six-figure price tag. Add the expenses of bringing a child home and eliminate income for the period of time parents need to healthily bond with their new child, and taking unpaid time off is simply not viable.

Paid parental leave is a necessity for adoptive parents 

Adoption is one of the most common paths for LGBTQ+ family building. In fact, same-sex couples are four times more likely to adopt than heterosexual couples.

Incorporating the realities of the adoption process into PPL policies will provide much-needed time to complete placement and begin the bonding process. Just like birthing parents, non-gestational parents need time to establish the new family dynamic, help the child settle in, and learn more about the child. This is an emotionally difficult and fraught time that…takes time. It’s a process that can’t be completed in 3 or 4 weeks. Some adoption cases also require parents to remain in the child’s birth state for 7-10 business days to comply with the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC), and adoptive leave gives them the time off to plan accordingly.

Paid leave also leads to better child health outcomes. Children whose mothers don’t go back to full-time work within the first 12 weeks are more likely to get all their necessary medical checkups and important vaccinations.

It’s also extremely beneficial to the new family’s overall mental health. Parents who can take a longer period of leave see improved mental health, a smoother transition, and are able to build stronger attachments with the child. 

Couples with a birthing and non-birthing partner also require PPL.

For those using alternative reproductive methods, the birthing partner is the most likely to get some level of paid parental leave. However, adoptive or foster partners often find themselves in the same situations as fathers in heterosexual couples — struggling to get paid leave because they weren’t the birthing parent.

Being the non-birthing partner can be difficult, especially if they didn’t contribute genetically. Paired with all the major changes in family dynamics, it’s not uncommon for non-gestational partners to develop postpartum mood disorders. PPL allows the non-birthing partner time to adjust and strengthen their bonds with both the child and their partner.

There are two main considerations for creating inclusive paid leave. 

First, re-evaluate and update the language used in leave policies, as the discourse around birth and childcare is largely focused on straight couples and birth moms, in particular. Even terms like “primary caregiver” and “non-primary caregiver,” while gender-neutral, typically define the birth mother as the primary caretaker and the father as the non-primary caregiver. This is ultimately unhelpful to LGBTQ+ parents, as both parents—just like with heteronormative couples—are primarily responsible for raising the child.

Such policies often come from a lack of complete understanding. While birthing partners are going through a highly physically demanding experience that their partners are not also going through, giving little to no time off to the non-birthing partners implies that yes, birth moms need time to heal, but they don’t deserve any help doing so or any help with the child after healing. These policies also underestimate the challenges and time it takes to welcome an adopted child into a home.

Policies need to account for LGBTQ+ families’ different paths to family building. A truly inclusive and equitable leave policy should also offer paid time off to those who become parents without giving birth themselves. These parents require just as much time as birth parents to welcome home a new child, create a new rhythm, and settle into the new family dynamic.