'Noisy self-care': Managers need to show they really put mental health first

Leaders must put their own mental health first, in part because they can’t effectively lead and set a healthy tone for their employees if they’re neglecting themselves.

That was the overriding message Wednesday from Katherine Manning, who was a longtime lawyer with the U.S. Department of Justice before becoming a trainer and consultant specializing in creating empathetic workplaces. Manning was a keynote speaker at ALM Global’s General Counsel Conference Midwest in Chicago.

Manning said it is easy for mental health to erode so gradually that those we see every day don’t notice, while someone we cross paths with after years apart is stunned by behavioral changes, such as bitterness or an increase in negativity.

“Burnout is like that,” she said. “You don’t recognize it creeping up on you.”

The stakes in addressing issues eroding mental health are high not just for the leaders themselves but for those they manage, Manning said, citing a litany of surveys on workforces; 60% of workers are emotionally detached in their jobs, and 19% are miserable, she said.

Citing another study, Manning said managers have as much impact on employees’ mental health as spouses and more impact than doctors or therapists.

While leaders might strive to be energetic and empathetic, she said they’re more likely to fall back on negative traits if they’re exhausted and stressed.

As an extreme example, “If you are leading with fear, you are building your house on a minefield, because people will not tell you problems. There will be an explosion. You just don’t know when it’s going to happen.”

Manning said leaders should be on the lookout for signs of their own mental health trouble, such as starting to dread activities they used to enjoy or engaging in more potentially addictive behaviors. But they also should be proactive.

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“The best defense is a good offense,” she said. “One way to do that is a daily reset,” a routine that can include meditation, mindfulness, exercise, art, recalling things you are grateful for and “counting your wins.”

She adopted the last practice while she was working at the Department of Justice and had three children under age 3.

“I was tired. I started to feel like a hamster on a wheel. I felt I was accomplishing nothing,” she said. One way she got out of that mindset was coming up with a list of three accomplishments at the end of each day. “It shifted my mindset and perception; I started to notice I was getting things done.”

Another means to foster positive mental health, Manning said, is to set boundaries. For example, if a particular colleague calls you frequently, and each time the number pops up on your phone it makes your stomach sink, you should set up a way to improve and limit your communications with that person.

“Protecting your energy is your job, nobody else’s,” she said.

Manning advocates that leaders practice what she calls “noisy self-care,” revealing positive steps in their own lives, such as taking walks after work or turning their phones off in the evening.

She said those comments should reveal that the leaders are vulnerable, too.

For example, Manning noted that employee-assistance plans tend to be rarely used, in part because workers’ perceive doing so is “not normal and OK.”

Rather than simply encouraging employees to use an EAP program and underscoring its confidentiality, Manning said, the leader might add, “And it really helped me when I used it.”