The Syrup – example or warning?

Editor’s note: This article includes discussions of self-harm/suicide and  violence that maybe triggering for some individuals.

There seems to be an extra dose of sadness and negativity in the world these days.  I pride myself on being a realist who tries to apply logic over emotion, but lately I feel like I’ve been pushed to my limits.  I’m from a town of about a thousand people in the Northwest corner of Missouri, and even though I’ve made a home in NYC for over two decades, when the community I grew up in hurts, I hurt too.  

The heart-wrenching story that my mind keeps returning to involves a high school and college friend of mine who lost his wife and children last month. It’s been all over the national news.  I know I’ve written about mental health before and how it’s impacted my family and life as someone who is part of a caregiving team, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around his wife’s suicide and the murder of four children.  Just one of those things that you cannot fathom happening to someone you know; it quite honestly takes your breath away.  I cannot imagine someone being in such pain that they feel that is their only option.  

When I shared the story with a close circle of friends soon after it happened, it led to a pretty deep conversation: Is your life an example or a warning?  

Take a second to consider the narrative of your life: Is it an uplifting example or a cautionary tale? Or maybe it was once one and now it’s the other?  Each decision, each action or inaction we take shapes this narrative. Are we leading by example, inspiring others through our resilience, kindness and determination? Or are we a massive warning sign, showcasing the consequences of poor choices we’ve made along the way? 

My favorite quote is from Marcus Aurelius, with the gist of it being, “Get active in your own rescue.”  I know that  for many, this can be easier said than done, especially if you are struggling with your mental health.  I hold onto it as a reminder that the power to change my situation always starts with me, even at the darkest of times.  

I know sometimes tragedies like this are too massive to comprehend.  I remember when my father passed, my mother’s 90-something year old neighbor who had been widowed twice said to my mom, “You’ll never get over it, but you’ll get through it.”  But honestly, I don’t know how someone gets through losing their whole family in such a horrific way.  

But it has made me stop and reflect on the question my friend posed.  Tragedies and difficult times can prompt us to evaluate our impact on those around us and the legacy we’re building.  You’ve heard people ask, “What do you want your tombstone to say?”  Are you striving to be a beacon of light, guiding others towards the next right action? Toward growth and fulfillment?  Your life’s story is unique to you. It can transform lives and inspire others, or it can be a lesson of a life that someone doesn’t want. But if you are an inspiration, this can bring a ripple effect of encouragement and empowerment to our communities and the friends and family around us. 

So, pause, take a beat, and ask yourself: Is my life an example or a warning?